IMPORTANT: guide on how to chop an onion

Firstly, like my brother, avoid chopping onions at all costs. Buy these guys pre-chopped or get your naive friend to chop one for you. If you must chop them then go in with goggles and read this post a few times. Its brutal.

Lets get into the details. The work. The art.

Did you know that for every pizza made, I’m almost sure, most of the time, an onion had to be chopped. If we plot this on a chart we will see a positive correlation between pizza creation and onions chopped.

Even more importantly – someone had to chop that onion, unless you bought that thingy from Verimark that dices all veggies in under 2 seconds. If you have that device, feel free to stop reading this. Although if your Verimark thingy breaks………….just saying…….

Here are the steps, in what I think is the right order:

  1. Retrieve an onion.

If you don’t have one of these, chopping becomes almost impossible. Your local convenience store should know and be able to provide you with one. If they offer the purple version, do not be alarmed but simply explain that you are not a chef at a 5 star boutique hotel.

  1. Get onion home safely

The distance between the purchase point and home present things like: robots, people, corners, wild animals, texting while driving. We need to be sure that you get home. You and an onion need to be present for successful chopping to begin.

  1. Understand that pain will come

This isn’t funny. Onion steam makes you cry. Chop 1 lets off the onion steam which will make you cry. *note that people who do not cry when they chop onions are not human. You need to leave the house asap if you’re in the company of a smiling person chopping an onion. Leave.

  1.   The chopping

Here is a link to Gordon Ramsay chopping an onion:

Gordon Ramsay Chopping an Onion

I want to leave the grind work up to the pros. I’m more of a pre-onion expert because I often get my brother to chop onions for me.

In closing, I’ll leave you with this thought:

You’ve pretty much gained two critical life skills through this post.

You can chop an onion and you’re aware of the risk. You can also spot non-human life, simply by getting them to assist you with chopping an onion. I explained what to do when you encounter someone who doesn’t cry when chopping an onion. 

So, thanks for being smart enough to stay informed. At this stage my blog isn’t taking money, because, although this type of advice deserves remuneration, I’ve seen what happens to under-prepared onion choppers.

They end up as weeping wrecks and after this post, it would be a crying shame if that were to ever happen to you.  

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A week in review

Sure, technically the week hasn’t ended. Technically, we’re on day 2 of a 7-day affair. It is Tuesday right?

Either way, all these technicalities mean nothing to me, my dear reader.

I have decided my week is done and I am now reviewing it.

What exactly I am reviewing beats me.I am grumpy and unable to shout at anyone around me for the simple reason that there is nobody here. So the next best solution?

Review my 24 hour week & gather some semblance of social nicety from it.

So;

Thingy #1 – The week has been weird because for the last four days I have felt like I’m living out a Thursday. Do you know that feeling? Repeat days? Thursdays seem to bring with them, a sense of having rounded off another (almost) week. I have been feeling that false satisfaction for 4 days straight without having done much at all.

The concern is, it’s a matter of time before my brain gives me four straight Wednesdays. What then?!

Also #2. Decaf coffee. I could be wrong (haha sure), but its bound to have played a part in this Thursday brain jam.

#3. (sighhh) 3 reminds me of Wednesday.

This foggy brain behaviour [as noted above] lead me to assess (fairly poorly because I can’t get out of my brain) what I could do, to counter the Thursday loop. Under no circumstance did I google it because when you goole these things you’re directed to see gurus, snake charmers, clean out your closet or start the banting diet process.

Maybe those are the answers. I, however, am looking for a more cost effective, instant remedy.

  1.  Go for a walk.  Tested and brain was resistant to change
  2.  Less coffee. hahahahahaha
  3.  Eat better. hahahahahaha
  4. Sleep better. hhahahahahha

Oh wow.

Shucks.

Ok folks, I think I see what the problem is here. I’m actually pretty relieved I made that quick list there.

I’m clearly not walking far enough, re. #1.

That certainly encouraged a new found perspective on whats happening here. I’ve been depriving my mind and body of walking.

Thats a simple fix.

Im required to take more  footsteps, and I’ll be out of the Thursday fog for sure.

With that solved, let me go rustle up my usual breakfast of a litre coffee and 700 grams worth of donuts.

 

Sweet sweet (sigh)

Oh well whaddya know. I neglected writing again for a while, didnt I.

Between all the things that have taken some of my life hours, I forgot to take some time to simply squee and scribble a bit of junk. I’m caught in a reflective mood at the moment and we all know reflection makes for gorgeous, nonsense in a blogpost!

So, some great nonsense has taken place in my life recently. What has been 4 months in Port Elizabeth now feels like four years. Is this a good thing? Some great people studied the effects of time and our minds. The outcome seems to be that its not good or bad, but relative. Good to know.

I remember the day I flew in, thinking how odd it was that I wasn’t flying back to Joburg. Now I sort of think – its great that Im not flying back to Joburg but I wonder how all the great people in Joburg are. This is for two reasons.

  1. I spend an incredible amount of time with people now
  2. Joburg, in my brain is synonymous with some less-than-great moments
  3. Sometimes people in PE are very aware of only PE stuff

4 months in and I suspect the reality of me back in the city, a changed life, new people and a generally slower pace of life have caught up with me. Im sort of thinking, wow ok I am in PE now. Wow, some stuff in PE is ridiculusly great and some stuff is kind of awful.

We’ll focus on the great stuff because we should. My only rant will be Point #3 on my previous list, there at the top. I suspect that this is part of the charm of the city so its not all round a bad thing. It just can, sometimes feel as though you forget there are entire continents beyond the borders of PE. Whole chunks of land in existence, independent of this place.

The lovely things have vastly out-weighed the weird or frustrating things. The people I have met are great. There are two specific people I am so glad to know the way I do now! Look at that hey, some real friends who are new and great and awesome. Its also a trait of PE, that things do tend to revolve a bit more around the people, friends and crowds not the activities. There are fewer activities here. People get creative and you land up playing games and building puzzles more than fine dining or mall trawling.

So then there is walking (running a close second to family). You can just walk by the sea, or into the sea. Nifty right? I didnt think this would land up being in my top 1 things to do in the city but it has. Walkng times are like deep breathing times. You can stroll, stare and wonder about all sorts of marvellous things. A thing I often marvel at is the crane things at the harbour. When it is 18:00 in the evening and the sun and clouds are the backdrop  – it looks like a postcard. I think I must make a postcard of this image. Its lovely.

Having mom, dad and junior around is nothing short of amazing. There were many moments of missing them in Joburg which have vanished. I get to see them and laugh and shout at them often! What a blessing that I often forget. It would be so difficult to leave those people. All three of them with their own greatness.

I suppose, I’m back here for reasons known specifically to God. Its a learning curve inand an education in trusting in Him more and myself less. Joburg was great and its an old thing. I am grateful to be back here in a new season with Jesus, some cool people and new things!

Squee 🙂